Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing but it can destroy everything.
What is Anger?
Anger is an emotion that is typically experienced in response to a perceived threat, frustration, injustice, or violation of one’s boundaries or values.
It can manifest as a range of physical and psychological sensations, such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and adrenaline, as well as feelings of irritability, frustration, and aggression.
“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” — Mahatma Gandhi
Anger is a normal and healthy emotion that is important in our lives. It can motivate us to take action when we feel threatened or wronged, and it can help us communicate our needs and boundaries to others.
However, when anger is expressed inappropriately or excessively, it can become problematic and even harmful to ourselves and others.
Some researchers suggest that anger is an innate response to perceived threats that have evolved over time to help us survive in dangerous situations. Others suggest that anger is a learned response that is influenced by our beliefs, values, and experiences.
What is conflict?
Conflict is a disagreement or struggle between two or more parties who have incompatible goals, needs, interests, or values.
It can take many forms, such as verbal disagreements, physical altercations, legal disputes, or political disagreements.
Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of human interactions, as individuals and groups have different perspectives, priorities, and goals that may clash with each other.
It can arise in various contexts, including personal relationships, workplace settings, community organizations, and international affairs.
While conflict can have negative consequences, such as stress, frustration, and damaged relationships, it can also have positive effects.
When managed effectively, conflict can promote constructive dialogue, creativity, and growth, and can lead to the resolution of underlying issues and the development of stronger relationships.
Why manage anger and conflict?
Anger and conflict are natural parts of human interactions, and managing them can be challenging, to say the least.
Managing anger and conflict is important for several reasons.
Firstly, unresolved anger and conflict can lead to negative consequences, such as stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. When we hold onto anger and conflict, it can affect our mental and physical well-being, as well as our relationships with others.
In addition, uncontrolled anger and conflict can damage relationships with family members, friends, and coworkers, and lead to decreased productivity, job loss, and even legal consequences.
Anger and conflict can also contribute to a toxic work environment, which can harm the well-being of all employees.
When we manage anger and conflict effectively, we also become better communicators, problem solvers, and collaborators.
This can lead to increased success in both our personal and professional lives, as we are better equipped to handle difficult situations and work effectively with others.
Understanding Anger and Conflict In Depth
A. Causes and Effects of Anger and Conflict
- Anger and conflict can have various causes, including misunderstandings, unmet expectations, power imbalances, cultural differences, and personal insecurities.
- The effects of anger and conflict can range from mild irritation to intense rage and even violence. Conflict can lead to emotional and physical stress, damaged relationships, and decreased productivity and well-being.
B. Healthy vs. Unhealthy Anger and Conflict
- Healthy anger and conflict involve expressing one’s needs and feelings respectfully and assertively, listening to the other person’s perspective, and working together to find a solution that satisfies both parties.
- Unhealthy anger and conflict, on the other hand, involve aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior, insults, blame, and a lack of respect for the other person’s feelings and needs. Unhealthy conflict can escalate quickly and lead to negative consequences for everyone involved.
C. Common Triggers for Anger and Conflict
- Common triggers for anger include feeling ignored, disrespected, or powerless, experiencing injustice or unfairness, and feeling threatened or attacked.
- Common triggers for conflict include differing opinions or values, competing interests or goals, misunderstandings, and personality clashes.
Examples of triggers for anger and conflict might include,
- Feeling frustrated and angry when a coworker takes credit for your work.
- Getting into a heated argument with a family member over political beliefs.
- Feeling angry and defensive when someone criticizes your appearance or behavior.
- Experiencing conflict with a friend over scheduling conflicts or differing priorities.
Techniques for Managing Anger
A. Deep Breathing
- Deep breathing is a simple yet effective technique that can help reduce feelings of anger and tension.
- When you feel angry, take a few deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Focus on the sensation of your breath and imagine your anger melting away with each exhale.
Example: Imagine you’re stuck in traffic and running late for an important meeting. Instead of getting angry and honking your horn, take a few deep breaths and try to stay calm.
B. Relaxation Techniques
- Relaxation techniques, such as meditation, yoga, or progressive muscle relaxation, can help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm.
- When you feel angry, try practicing a relaxation technique to help you feel more centered and in control.
Example: If you’re feeling angry and stressed after a long day at work, try practicing a guided meditation or doing some gentle yoga poses to help you unwind and relax.
C. Cognitive Restructuring
- Cognitive restructuring is a technique that involves challenging negative or irrational thoughts and replacing them with more positive, rational ones.
- When you feel angry, try to identify any negative or irrational thoughts that might fuel your anger and reframe them in a more positive way.
Example: If you’re feeling angry and frustrated because your partner forgot to take out the trash, try reframing your thoughts from “they never listen to me” to “everyone forgets things sometimes, and it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.”
D. Humour
- Using humor can be an effective way to diffuse tension and reduce feelings of anger.
- When you feel angry, try to find something funny about the situation, or use a silly voice or joke to lighten the mood.
Example: If you’re feeling angry because your roommate keeps leaving dirty dishes in the sink, try making a joke about it, like “Looks like we’re starting a new dish collection in the sink!” or “Hey, I heard dirty dishes are the latest home decor trend!”
Techniques for Managing Conflict
Active Listening
- It is a technique that involves fully focusing on and understanding the other person’s perspective, without interrupting or judging.
- When in conflict, try to actively listen to the other person and repeat what they are saying to show you understand their perspective.
Example: If you conflict with a friend over a disagreement, try to actively listen to their side of the story and repeat back what they’re saying, like “So if I understand correctly, you’re upset because you feel like I’m not taking your feelings into account?”
Collaboration and Compromise
- Collaboration and compromise involve working together to find a mutually beneficial solution that satisfies everyone’s needs and interests.
- When in conflict, try to identify common ground and brainstorm solutions for both parties.
Example: If you conflict with a coworker over a project, try to collaborate and compromise by identifying each other’s strengths and weaknesses, dividing the work fairly, and working together to find a solution that meets the project’s goals and deadlines.
Assertiveness
- Assertiveness is a communication style that involves expressing your needs and feelings clearly and directly while respecting the other person’s needs and feelings.
- When in conflict, try to use assertive language to express your needs and feelings, without attacking or blaming the other person.
Example: If you conflict with a family member over a decision, try to use assertive language by saying “I understand your perspective, but I feel strongly about this decision and would appreciate your support.”
Taking a Break
- Sometimes, conflict can become too intense or emotionally charged, and taking a break can help de-escalate the situation.
- When in conflict, try to take a break if things get too heated or if you feel overwhelmed, and come back to the discussion when you feel more calm and collected.
By practicing these conflict management techniques, you can learn to handle conflict healthily and productively, without letting it escalate into a negative and destructive situation.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Avoiding the Issue
- One common mistake people make when trying to manage anger and conflict is avoiding the issue altogether.
- This can lead to the problem festering and growing over time, ultimately making the situation worse.
Example: If you conflict with a coworker over a work assignment, avoiding the issue by not speaking to them about it and instead complaining to others can create a toxic work environment and make the conflict worse.
Escalating the Situation
- Another common mistake people make when trying to manage anger and conflict is escalating the situation by responding with anger or aggression.
- This can lead to a cycle of escalating emotions and actions that can damage relationships and make resolution more difficult.
Example: If you conflict with a partner over a disagreement, responding with yelling or name-calling can escalate the situation and make it more difficult to resolve.
Conclusion
Managing anger and conflict is an essential skill for maintaining healthy relationships and promoting overall well-being.
Remember that healthy conflict is an essential part of any relationship, and it’s natural to experience anger and frustration from time to time.
If you’re struggling to manage your anger and conflict on your own, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor.
Additionally, there are resources available, such as the Justly app, which can help you develop positive habits and a consistent routine to help you reach your goals and maintain a healthy mindset.
With practice and persistence, you can learn to manage anger and conflict in a way that promotes positive outcomes and strengthens your relationships.
And remember, as the saying goes,
“Don’t let anger and conflict control you, take control of them.”
So take the first step today towards managing your anger and conflict in a way that promotes positive outcomes, and see how it can transform your relationships and your life.
With its focus on helping users reach their goals with positive habits and a consistent routine, Justly can be a valuable tool in your journey towards better anger and conflict management.
Justly: Habits, Goals, Journal
How To Manage Anger And Conflict was originally published in Justly Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.